Two security guards tried to stop me from
handing out the flyers. I said, “But I
work for MoMA’s Office of Paranormal Activities.” They said, “There is NO such office!” I said, “It’s in the basement, a little like
X Files for art.” They were much angrier
than necessary and were ready to throw me to the sidewalk when Kenny intervened
just in time to assure them that this was part of my performance. I am not complaining at all by the way as the
one guard was quite handsome, his beautiful flaring nostrils showing that he was
ready for ACTION, ready to put me in my place!
How thrilling!
At 12:30 a large crowd gathered. “Thank you all for coming, my name is
CAConrad and I am the director of the Office of Paranormal Activity at
MoMA. I was first hired after the 2008
Wall Street collapse when many of the paintings in this particular gallery were
found stacked neatly in the corner each morning. Security camera footage shows the paintings floating
across the room, most likely carried by the disturbed souls of recently
departed millionaires. After our
successful exorcism I wanted to preserve the integrity and viability of my
office so I found new projects for my staff.
One project was to search for the reincarnated soul of Balla whose
paintings surround us today in this gallery as part of the Inventing Abstraction exhibition.
It proved to be our most challenging project
to date. After exhausting the efforts of several
psychics we asked MoMA friend and Andy Warhol Superstar Penny Arcade for
help.” I turned to Penny who waved. “Thank you so much Penny for putting us in
touch with your psychic friend in Belize who was our big breakthrough. He told us that the reincarnated soul of
Futurist painter Giacomo Balla was right here in New York City all along. He is now a poet living in Brooklyn named
Ariana Reines! Please welcome Ariana!”
Ariana walked from the applauding crowd to
join me where I asked her what she thought of her paintings from her previous
life as Balla. She said, “Oh I’m a much
better poet in this life than I was a painter in that one.” A few audience members mumbled their
disapproval of the poet daring to measure her different lifetimes of art in
public. I said, “MoMA Honorary Chairman
David Rockefeller was so excited when we finally found you that he and the
board of trustees have graciously offered to let you take one of your paintings
back home with you. Which one would you
like?” She shrugged and said, “Well I
don’t really like them, but the diamond shaped one is nice I suppose.” I said, “Well let’s get that off the wall and
wrap it up for you.” When I walked
toward the painting the handsome nostril flaring guard shook his head with a
scowl. I said, “Ariana Reines is also a
healer. Is there anyone here today who
needs healing?” The poet Stephen Boyer
popped up in a BEAUTIFUL dress he made with plastic flowers from the dollar
store. Ariana had him lie on the floor
below her painting she painted in 1903.
She instructed me to work with her to heal Stephen, doing a beautiful
dance with her hands over his head and body, an energy work not unlike Reiki,
chanting. What a marvelous experience
and I feel very fortunate to know the talented poets that I do, the kind of
people who augment the spirit with their very presence. Notes notes notes, I took notes, and the
notes became a poem.
