There
are a lot of dead people in my past, not just people who died of AIDS, but a
large number of these beautiful souls did. I was searching for a way to contact
them that was universal, and I do not mean through a kind of portal in the
sense of organized religion, but something secular we had all shared or
visited. There was no location I was certain everyone had visited, no
restaurant or park or beach. Then I thought about The Wizard of Oz as the place all of us had visited at some point
in our lives. Everyone I ever knew saw this film. I am calling this (Soma)tic
ritual The Wizard of Oz Portal.
After doing this recently I had a
dream that I walked past a church and singing poured onto the street. When I
walked inside the church it was filled with everyone I knew who had died of
AIDS. They were fantastic and laughing and happy to see me and I was happy to
see them. There has never been a dream as good as that one for me. Even my next
best dream was only half as overwhelming with beauty, hugging and talking with
these friends. If I could get pregnant, I would want to be in a hypogeum with
these friends and lovers and invite them to visit the physicality of Earth
again through the life of my baby. Without hesitation I would do it and write
poems with my baby, a true collaboration. I do enjoy visiting The Wizard of Oz Portal. It is a way to
be present for an examination of what parts of my life are beautiful because of
each of these people and what each of them taught me. My life is what it is
because of these people, and all of it, the horror and drama and being sick and
me trying to convince everyone to come to macrobiotic cooking class with me.
I have also been thinking a lot
about hypogea in ancient Greece. Hypogeum was circular burial chambers, and
pregnant women would visit the remains of their dead ancestors to invite them
to inhabit the bodies of their unborn babies. I hope I was a pregnant woman who
performed this ritual in a past life. It sounds terrifying at first, seeing the
bones of the dead, but it is exciting thinking of such an experience coursing
through my electrical circuitry and nervous system, my blood pumping into the
heart of my unborn child and ancestor simultaneously.
Do you remember the scene in the
film where the wicked witch puts Dorothy into an opium-induced trance in the
poppy field? It is an essential part of the story because after Dorothy is
pulled out of the trance by the good witch Glenda she can finally see the
solutions for the way out of fear and suffering. But when she is asleep in the
poppies, this is when I freeze the frame, then sit across the room with
binoculars, studying Dorothy while quietly invoking the name of a dead lover or
friend.
After doing this recently I had a
dream that I walked past a church and singing poured onto the street. When I
walked inside the church it was filled with everyone I knew who had died of
AIDS. They were fantastic and laughing and happy to see me and I was happy to
see them. There has never been a dream as good as that one for me. Even my next
best dream was only half as overwhelming with beauty, hugging and talking with
these friends. If I could get pregnant, I would want to be in a hypogeum with
these friends and lovers and invite them to visit the physicality of Earth
again through the life of my baby. Without hesitation I would do it and write
poems with my baby, a true collaboration. I do enjoy visiting The Wizard of Oz Portal. It is a way to
be present for an examination of what parts of my life are beautiful because of
each of these people and what each of them taught me. My life is what it is
because of these people, and all of it, the horror and drama and being sick and
me trying to convince everyone to come to macrobiotic cooking class with me. 